Friday, August 16, 2013

Stay Thirsty! Stay Famished!- Lifecycle of a Bottle


Stay Thirsty! Stay Famished!- Lifecycle of a Bottle


I am not going to cover any new topic in this post but continue with the old one in an elaborate manner as I was not able to fit the below in the previous posts properly... Machiavellianism ahead!

Sometimes I wonder how to explain human culture and its various sex dimensions (minus reproduction part) to a person who just suddenly appears amongst us and who has no empathy or who has no selfish gene or is one of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos’ “definitely ALIENS” or whatever… but here we go…

Initially all kids are born without bottles and there is no thirst only happiness and curiosity. As they grow up, girls and boys develop the concept of water as the thirst is first identified and slowly increases. Touch and Sight seems to be the general trigger for thirst. Soon the elders group around and assign a fancy bottle with their own labels and production process from their HOLY factory to each girl and guy with a rule DO NOT LOSE THE BOTTLE! From here the fun starts…

a.     Guys see the bottles as a burden and they wish to lose it at their first opportunity.

b.    Girls see the bottles as an “asset”. (You see the conflict starts right at the beginning :P)

c.     Bottles are NOT supposed to touch each other. Guys and girls are not supposed to talk about water or bottle with each other.

d.    Guys are not to go near elder girls’ bottles specifically.

e.     You are not to put all the bottles in a bag and ask whoever is thirsty to drink from any of the bottles. That is a gravely strict NO! The law of scarcity prevails!

f.     Guys keep tossing their bottles just to forego the responsibility of guarding it and their favorite place is to throw it into the girls’ camp. And they hope to drink water from any or all of the girls’ bottles.

g.    Girls keep throwing away other bottles as far as away from their bottle not even other girls’ bottles are allowed near. However they never lose their sight on their bottle even for a second.

h.     Guys who were playful, stupid and considerate beings suddenly become rebellious, insensitive, highly obsessed, damn-you-bottle humans.

i.      Girls who were very carefree and fun creatures suddenly become over-sentimental, over-cautious, manipulative, possessive-about-bottle humans.

j.      When a guy / girl manage to lose their bottles and start drinking water for a legit thirst from wherever water is available they are outcast with weird terms and signboards around their neck “man with loose bottle cap on the loose” or “woman with the bitcher-er awaits you…”

However mostly this is what happens…

k.     As time goes on both guys and girls start getting too obsessed about the bottle theory and they become so emotionally dependent on their bottles that you need not hit them left and right with a bat to hurt them. Instead you may merely gesture that you would like to hit their parents’ bottles for a six with your bat. That’s all it is required for a riot!

l.      Weirdly guys celebrate when they lose their bottles; many girls chose to cry when they lose it even for a minute. They wouldn’t even take it back if someone explains, “Hey! Look here is your bottle nothing happened! Stop crying!” All it takes is a bottle to limit her powers and talent. Thirsty, No happiness and No curiosity.

So when these two different species want to live together then what happens…? Love happens.

m.   In Pre requirement stage, people flaunt their bottles for comparison. There may even be wars on who has how many bottles or whose bottle is big or whose bottle resembles a factory prescribed shape.

n.     When people fall in love, they write love songs about others and a hell a lot of rulebooks about their bottles. Most of the time, the pure love which started their journey is destroyed by the disputes over the water bottles. When, How and who should touch which bottle becomes an unsolved equation for both these different species and they chose to hate each other.

o.    Both are not to carry any other bottle/drink water from any other source.

p.    Some even decide not to open their bottles until they are married, no matter how thirsty they are.

q.    Some just drink water, quench their thirst and try to drink it many times and if they realize that they do not like the others’ water anymore, move along with / without their bottle to the next person. Less thirst, Happiness, No curiosity.

After love, its marriage – no more straightforward talking is possible for both the species.

r.      In Pre requirement stage, people flaunt their unopened bottles to show how crystal clear and pure the water is. Very less value is given to the purity and nobility of their thoughts. Everything depends on a stupid bottle again.

s.     They keep searching for the right person with the right bottle to match because at this point the main pre-requisite for marriage is “Are you worth your bottle and your fiancé’s bottle waters combined?” and the other pre-requisite is money (now making an alien understand about this self-made blood sucking devil would run a hundred blog posts)

After finding the much hyped ONE

t.      Marriage ceremony by itself is a great anticlimax in which after all the fuss about forbidding people to drink water, lose their bottles and forcing everyone to be thirsty at the risk of death from dehydration, they perform simple meaningless gestures or tasks and suddenly ask you to go drink water, enjoy! If you always thought marriage would have been some highly scientific, meaningful, sophisticated, hardest, toughest thing to do and hence I was forced to be thirsty all my adolescent age, it is just an elder society’s way of playing an elaborate prank and telling “April Fool”. No rocket science there, just turn your bottle cap 3 times anticlockwise or put a ring on the bottle neck or change your bottle cap to a different colour or couple of signs on a paper, etc. But after this, they do not even tell you how to drink your water! At least they leave that to the couples’ instincts! Thank my Rowling!

u.     However one of them (mostly the husband) whose thirst is now equivalent to that of drinking a waterfall is shown an old water bottle! To insult him completely, she tells him not only to use two bottles to quench his thirst but also invites him for a bath together in those bottles of water.

v.     After marriages both bottles are taken and locked up safely and the key remains with the wife who doesn’t know that locking up his bottle doesn’t solve his thirst while her life completely starts revolving around those two bottles.

w.    Drinking water / new water container creation process should happen in a specific water storage unit. Especially there is a big NO NO if you are even remotely thinking about it in your HOLY factory. Imagine that, you are not to even think about creating new water containers in the very place where they came up with the fancy bottles your parents gave you and the HOLY factory CEOs where supposed to be the leading creators of this world. Forget about creating your container there! If the CEOs create, it is HOLY, but not for us. Fascism!

x.     Within / After few years they produce few little cups to hold water. They seek advice from their older leaking bottles about how to handle the water. These old bottles start a huge self-praising lecture about water being so sacred and how they poured and shared with each other when they were young bottles themselves. After listening to this, couples start filling up their little cups with their water theory while they spill a whole lot of water as the cup grows into a jug or some other water container. They believe their thirst reduces once they pour water into these cups but the guy has lost his valuable water molecules which could naturally make him thirstier!

y.     Soon you will see pictures of imperfect tiny cups in albums / social websites and others keep commenting, “Oh such a factory made 3d printed velvet touch unbreakable tiny cup!”

z.     Then mostly the husband bottle has tolerance issues. He finds it extremely frustrating when he has to perform a certain ritual every single time in order to persuade the wife bottle to have a drink together. Soon he will get to master his thirst or break his bottle and go searching for better bottles! Many times women bottles contribute to the problems of fellow women so easily.

aa.  Meanwhile, they put their little cups into the same cycle again. Guys being the selfish brutes themselves end up teaching their new little cups about how to stay thirsty because he is still thirsty and he definitely doesn’t want his kids to quench their thirst too! :D

bb.  If your daughter shares her water with a guy you don’t like, you beat him up and kill and bury your daughter and their bottles separately. Extremely thirsty / No thirst, No happiness, Lots of curiosity

While you are wondering why the fuss about a bottle 

cc.  Again, you will have the conservativ-tionists say - Only beasts should drink from the stream, lakes or rivers and swim in it. We humans are technologically and culturally advanced – as a proof of that we have over 7 billion sophisticated bottles- each bottle special and unique in its own way. And we should not think about the abundant FREE water bodies but live an esteemed life of drinking from an old stinking bottle.

dd.  People will also be invited to specific classes with expensive yearly subscriptions- To use your contextual and imaginative mind powers to replace the original water bodies with the all-important YOUR BOTTLE.

ee.  So while they listen and follow these conservativ-tionists and define their whole life by chasing a bottle and stay away from nature’s water bodies – you will discover the conservativ-tionists go scuba diving in the deepest oceans!

ff.    At the end, when they die and think they are free at last, few heartless brainless walking tumors will bury their bottle next to them for their future lives! Ensuring that even in their next life they will get the same recycled water bottle so that even in the next lifetime they can - Stay Thirsty! Stay famished!

At the end, the alien may ask, “Why don’t you folks throw the bottle away?” You look at him bewildered because that was a WHY question. You give the alien another chance, “Any other question?”

Alien might ask, “Where is this bottle you have been talking about? I don’t see it anywhere!”

Cool! Delivering the final punch, with a smile, “There is no water bottle. It is an inherited disease by the masses similar to visual Paranoid schizophrenia! The Bottle was never there. Humans seem to see it from their young age as their parents kept pounding it into their heads! We simply made it up!”

To be continued…

Meanwhile, for all girls who helped me write this up by contributing since my childhood, thanks and I have to say in gratitude I had a bottle for each of you in my bag just in case you lost yours. But you never asked: P

Facebook - Mopper's Mindtricks


Bye.
Mopper.
                                             

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